I am a woman in transition.
When I was young, I wanted to be an actress. My parents encouraged me to write. Their encouragement had me running in the opposite direction for decades, even after both of them made their own transitions to the next life.
In college, I met the love of my life, John.
In a misguided attempt to be responsible, and believing that a creative career that I would love would interfere with getting married and having babies, I decided that instead of pursuing acting OR writing, I would become an accountant. Yes, I know – it’s really quite bizarre.
By the time I had finished my Masters and passed the CPA exam, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. It’s a mistake I have been living with for 25 years.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a skilled accountant. I’m just an unhappy one.
So here I am, on the downward slope of my 40′s, wondering if maybe a creative life is possible after all. Circumstances, and my own mediocre pursuit of my chosen profession have conspired to force a reconsideration of my options.
Had anyone ever told me that I should seek those things that bring me joy, I would now be a happy IT veteran, having spent the last 25 years programming my heart out. I remember with fondness the hours upon hours that I spent, losing myself in the college computer lab, entering a fugue state, where the code danced in my brain. No feeling in the world compared to the satisfaction of the code compiling and seeing the results of my own reasoning printing out in matter-of-fact lines of black on greenbar.
I got all “A’s” in programming and computer science, including Advanced Cobol, which only the serious compter geeks took, and “C’s” in accounting. It is a complete mystery to me why, after all these unsatisfying years of attempting to fit my round programmer’s brain into the square accountant’s role that the simple fact of my greater facility in programming was not more obvious to me.
I should get marks for persistance, at least. It only took me 25 years of beating my head against the wall of my indifference to accounting to come to the realization that I should have long ago returned to that love I found in the computer lab – the music of the code, the elegance of the language.
In June of 2009, I became a student again, studying modern object oriented analysis and design. It was a revelation to me, coming as I did from a programming background in a mainframe environment. I firmly believe that it just doesn’t get any easier or more fun than this – the simplicity and elegance of using a tool like Visual Studio does not in any way compare to the tribulations of dealing with a batch environment. At times, in my training, I was tempted to pull up my rockin’ chair and let the young ‘uns know how tough it was in the “old days” when I was 20. But, I wisely refrained.
After all these years, although many may have perceived me to be a “square peg” with “accountant” stamped all over her, I have come to recognize my true, round, “developer” nature.
Always keep your options open! Remember that the job of my dreams called on ALL of my previous experience – from the piano lessons and the orchestras and choirs and theatre freak days through my skills at office management, my legal background, and the years of volunteering to design, edit and layout newsletters, designing web pages and general geek-wannabe dabbling in the world of computers and technology. And I said that when I found my dream job (when, in fact, it found me) that it would be nice if it would involve some travel, both domestic and international! So don’t ever hesitate to DREAM BIG! Yes, even that Amway business experience comes in handy! I know your aspirations, your talents, your skills and your experience – they are going to be combined into a perfect storm of a new career for you, Polly! I am convinced! Love you!
I do appreciate that. I am working on surrendering any attachment to the “how” and the “where” and even the “what.” – it’s not a secure position for me, but I don’t really have any reasonable alternative.